#but im feeling cowardly today so--

[curiouschaosstarlight]

something that just popped into my head; (Dottore -> Scaramouche)

what he said: "I bet if I tried hard enough, I could make another one of you!"

what he meant: "You're so special and important to me, having another you would not only be an achievement and a project well worth my time and dedication, it would also be a complete net positive. It is also not something that cannot be done unintentionally; you are too complex, too unique, to be recreated with ease or accident."

what was heard: "lol you're not special at all, you're a commodity at best, and the only way you'd have worth is if there were more of you to be used"

[no-tengo-ojos]

Arthur Lester

[nimnia]

h⚝p⚝l⚝ssly

▹ synopsis : you're so hopelessly in love with her, and yet she doesn't feel the same. it was your fault. your fault. now you ended up throwing the prettiest yet dangerous flowers in all universe.

▹ genre : pure angst, non-idol au, SENSITIVE TOPIC

▹ taglist : @flyingcigarettes

▹ a/n : just pure angst that i wanted HEG. i hope y'all like it tho cuz im been keeping this for a week :-) i might or might not make a second part of this bc i feel like this ended up being a cliffhanger but like idk 😶 also im sorry (but not sorry :p) for using the pair.. FOR THE SAKE OF THE STORY JWBFJSJF

› masterlist

you stare emptily at the bloodied roses on your bathroom floor, unaware of tears falling and the numbing on your bottom as you sit on the tile. your hair feels sticky, your hand is covered with your blood, and the huge hole in your heart is incurable.

you feel so exhausted. you couldn't think straight, but all you could think of is her. you can't feel anything properly, but all you can feel is your heart breaking into pieces. you can't understand yourself why— why you still continue to love her.

she's married. she's happy now, and doesn't care about your hidden feelings for her. 'because why would she?' you thought mockingly to yourself. you never revealed how you felt for her, and this is your consequences. your karma.

it hurts. it hurts so much to see her smiling with someone else other than you. it hurts to see her lovingly kiss someone she truly loves. it hurts to know that the love of her life isn't you, and it only broke your heart even more.

you let out a shaky short breath, fluttering your eyes shut slowly and letting the anguish pain overwhelming you more. your blood that covers your hands and some parts of your body burns so much. it feels so hot and painful.

but it's normal. this is nothing compared to the first day you had this disease— a disease called hanahaki.

─────

"y/n, please get it removed. you have to live!"

you glared at hyein, who didn't mind your glare and only glared back. you felt annoyed, and you made it clear in your face. hyein sighs deeply, shaking her head in disappointment.

"you know, you're so annoying!" she scowls at you, but couldn't help feeling more worried about you and your disease.

you sigh tiredly, wiping the tiredness from your eyes. "hyein, please. can we not do this today?" you start. the younger girl grimaces at the raspy sound of it. "why not? you're not going to change your mind if i don't remind you about it."

you scoffed, "hyein, i'm tired, okay? i just finished work and i want to rest. i don't want you nagging at me today, so please." you pleaded, covering your eyes as you dropped onto your bed while hyein stood by the door frame with crossed arms.

"you're a stubborn person, unnie." she sighs, "if you're too cowardly to confess your unwanted feelings for her, then get surgery! you," she points at you, still glaring at your form. "better get it solved or else i'm making an appointment for your surgery."

you groaned frustratedly, "fucking hell, hyein. can't you just leave me alone?!" you can't help but feel so frustrated. you feel so irritated. you just couldn't tell why she couldn't leave you alone for a second.

you removed your arm from your eyes and scowled back at her. "unwanted feelings? you have the audacity to call my feelings unwanted? i can solve my problem just fine, hyein. stop trying to provoke me."

hyein wordlessly rolls her eyes, before throwing you a small paper bag. you barely caught it because your mind couldn't process anything properly, but it landed on your lap. you raised one brow.

"what is this." it wasn't a question that came out, but you didn't care. you hold it up and watch your little sister scoffing unkindly. "your medicine, idiot. take it now before you vomit more."

then she leaves you alone, not even closing your door for you.

somehow, your eyes softened a bit at her aloofly kindness towards you. even with your ridiculous and stubborn state, she still cares about you and takes care of you.

you were grateful. you appreciated her more than anything else. you look down and open the paper bag to see the certain medicine for your disease. unfortunately, it was only a painkiller, but it was enough to ease the painful ache and constant vomiting, along with terrible headaches.

you take it out and stare at it absentmindedly before you glance at the cup filled with water on the side table by your bed. you let out a small sigh, ruffling your hair before walking up from your bed to take the cup.

you throw one painkiller pill into your mouth and drink the water afterward.

─────

seeing her again tightens your chest painfully, but you tried to keep holding onto your smile on your face as she approached you excitedly. "y/n!" she calls out, lunging at you with a tight hug.

you wordlessly hugged her back, your hands didn't hold her waist like you used to. you were giving her space and respect, and considering that you still hold feelings for her, you tried not to have as much skin contact as before.

"hey, minji." you greet, smiling as you pull away and she holds your arms with a gentle gummy smile. your heart flips, and you feel your ears burning under her gaze.

"how's the start of your married life? was it spicy or what?" you teasingly asked, ignoring the burning ache of your heart as you asked that question. she laughs heartily and sneaks her hands from your arms to your hands.

you wanted to pull away, but she kept drawing you to her. it was unfair. she's cruel, so cruel and horrible. the way she gives you a smile— you knew it wasn't for you. it wasn't always for you. that's why you have to stop being so hopelessly hopeful.

"my married life is fantastic. it was.. really beautiful." you couldn't look away from the red hue coating her mesmerizing face. your heart kept flipping and turning, in every way it was starting to hurt.

you tried to keep your smile natural, "that's amazing, minji. i'm glad you're enjoying your life with her now." you yearn for her. you yearned every piece of her. you wanted her to know how you feel for her, but you just feel so— terrified.

her eyes softened, pursing her lips smiley. "thank you. how are you? are you still doing the job and college?" she asks, still holding your hands in which you desperately wanted to pull away before you start feeling the flowers growing inside your throat.

you coughed slightly, your smile slowly turning strained but you kept it strong.

"yeah. i'm doing just fine! it was a bit difficult managing my job and college, but overall, it was..." you feel the particular cough coming, inhaling once. "it was amazing." you ended, feeling tortured and terrible after lying to her face.

but she didn't seem to notice it, only her smile widened and nodded understandingly. the fondness and affection in her eyes glows, "i'm happy for you. i'm happy that you are doing so well, y/n."

you only nodded. then minji remembers that she was holding you back from your shift, "oh, are you still having your break? maybe i'm disturbing you," she said out of concern, tightening her grip with yours.

you shifted awkwardly. you shake your head, "no, not really. i still have a few minutes of break, so you're good."

she sighs, "i think i should let you go for now." i should say the same. you cry internally, still feeling the cough building up in your throat. you wanted to go to the restroom.

"i guess so. my manager is a bit strict, cuz you know..." you laugh awkwardly, trying to loosen your hands from hers. eventually she releases you and smiles at you sheepishly, "right, sorry about that. i guess i'll talk to you soon?"

minji questioned, watching as you wear your apron once again, pulling your hair up into a bun. you had long averted your eyes away from her, not wanting to make eye-contact with the married woman as you finished tying your hair.

you pat your clothes, "yeah, talk to you soon. you can wait for her in a bit, since she's almost done." you quickly informed her before walking away, unaware of her reaching her hand to you as you leave her alone.

on cue, the bassa nova music plays in the background as the lights dim gently inside the bar area. walking around the counter, you let out a sigh before noticing your co-worker looking at you with gentle eyes, resting her chin on her hand as she leans her elbows on the counter.

you gave her a smile, "hi, hanni." you softly greets.

she returns the smile, much softer and gentle. "hey, love. is your break finished?" she leans away from the counter and stretches, letting out a little noise of satisfaction. you nodded, working already on the drink your customer orders.

she greets the customer with a smile, and goes to assist the other approaching customers, though she was still talking to you. "how's big dillyman? is he doing good?" she asks, a bit far from your spot but you can still hear her question.

a small smile sticks on your lips, "yeah, he's doing great... that dog is big, so there's no way a cancer can defeat him just like that, y'know?" hanni laughs fondly, nodding as she shakes the metal bottle together with the drinks inside with ice rattling.

"right, right. he's like 20 pounds? man, i really remember how he made me fall on the floor when he lunges at me, it's crazy!" your smile widens, laughing with her as you gave the drink to the customer, who thanked you genuinely before sipping on it.

"20 pounds might be too much for him, hanni. he's just as big as a toddler, i guess." you responded, assisting the next customer who sat on the bar stool, patiently waiting. you took his order and immediately worked on it swiftly.

"hmm~ maybe, maybe not. whatever, he's still a big dog and a good boy at that. you raised him so well!" hanni giggles and gives her customers the drink before wiping the counter where she makes a little mess.

you chuckle, squeezing the slice of lemon over the juice you made before serving it to your customer, who sniffed on the drink first and hums in satisfaction. he gave you a thumbs up and you returned it with a shy one before turning to hanni who was removing her apron and loosening her hair tie.

you smile sadly, "your shift is done?" you asked as she hangs the apron over the hanger, turning to you with a large smile and a nod. she walks over to you and kisses your cheek playfully, before squeezing your cheeks, cooing as she does.

"yep! i'll be back tomorrow morning though, since the mingle manager is out to have a day with his family. understandable but he should raise my salary just a bit, like bro." she jokes as she pats your head before leaving the counter with her bag.

you watch her as she turns to you and waves at you with a smile, "i'll see you tomorrow, love! stay safe once you get home!" you nodded with a small smile and waves calmly, watching as she left the counter area.

your heart clenched to see her jumping on minji and kissing her cheeks, giggling as minji scolds her playfully before kissing her forehead. your throat felt much tighter than before, and you could truly feel the cough coming up as they leave together with hands interlocked.

you could see a glimpse of their wedding rings glimmering under the lamp lights on the entrance door.

─────

after your night shift, you immediately head home and as soon as you landed inside your home, you suddenly collapsed on the floor and violently coughed up bloody roses. you heaved heavily, trying to catch oxygen but it didn't stop the coughing at all.

blood drips from your nose, and your heartbeats increased the pace that it was starting to feel overly suffocating. it hurts so much. it hurts to breath. you buried your face onto the floor, continuing to cough blood and flowers.

then you laid there, heaving for air desperately. tears never stopped falling, mixing onto the blood you had violently coughed up earlier. your limbs quivers in pain and shock, chest raising and lowering rapidly. blood had stopped dripping from your nose, but it was still burning hot.

you wanted this to stop, you wanted to stop this madness. this pain. you couldn't bear doing this anymore. you wanted to breath, but you couldn't. you wanted to think, but you couldn't.

it feels so painful.

you can only cry silently on the floor, drowning in your pool of blood and red flowers. your consciousness slowly tries to fade away, your sight dimming little by little and the feeling on your limbs have felt numb.

you couldn't hear the door opening and a scream erupting from your little sister, hyein.

'hyein... i'm sorry you had to see me like this. i'm sorry.' was the only thought in your mind before you completely passed out.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Walls Are Crumbling: Part 2

Fandom: Bridgerton

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x F!Reader

Summary: You and Benedict announce your engagement to the rest of the Bridgerton family. They're ecstatic for you, as Benedict told you they'd be. But you still can't help but feel guilty for bringing Benedict into your mess.

A/N: oh no. i guess im gonna turn this into a mini series...

Part 1

Everyone in the sitting room cheers after you and Benedict announce your engagement. Anthony and Kate give the pair of you soft smiles and knowing looks. Of course Anthony told his wife. He could never hide anything from her.

"Well, I must say this isn't too much of a surprise," Violet Bridgerton stands from her spot and walks towards you, "We all had a feeling this was going to happen eventually."

You smile at the woman you saw as another mother, "Trust me, Violet, I'm just as surprised as you are."

Benedict gives you a nudge, silently telling you to shush. He then speaks up, "Yes, it seemed that both of us had been harboring feelings for each other for a long time. Didn't see a reason as to why we needed to prolong marriage. Therefore, in month's time, we seek to marry."

Eloise grimaces, "But that's so soon."

Benedict's hand intertwines in yours, "Well, Eloise, I've waited too long to have Y/N as mine, so the sooner we wed, the better."

"But not too soon," you pointedly say, "which is why we decided in month's time," you add, just in case someone else suggests you two marry today, like Anthony did last night.

"Did you tell your mother already, Y/N, dear?" Violet asks curiously.

You nod, "Yes, and it went as you'd expect it to."

The dowager viscountess gives you a tight lip look. She wasn't fond of your mother and how she treats you. She especially doesn't like how she viewed your friendship with Benedict as a waste.

"Second sons have nothing to offer," she's said often.

Kate approaches you, arm looping through yours, "Sorry, brother-in-law, may I steal her for a moment?"

Benedict cocks a brow at you, silently asking if you'll be okay. You nod, "I'll be back," you let go of his hand and follow Kate, whom is guiding you outside of the sitting room and into the hall. There, she asks you to tell her everything, since Anthony only gave her bits and pieces.

While you and the Viscountess talk, Anthony joins his younger brother, "Do you really think you should do this?"

Benedict looks at his brother with annoyance on his face, "If I don't, she'd be left off to her own. I can't let that happen, especially with a child on the way."

"A child that isn't even yours, brother."

He shakes his head and shrugs, "I don't care. I will love them as my own. They are part Y/N, so surely, I'd love them." He then scowls, "Lord Mattias is a coward for this."

"I'd argue that you're just as cowardly," Anthony murmurs, a hint of a smirk on his lips, "Marrying the woman you love and yet not even telling her how you feel."

Benedict scoffs, "As if I should be taking advice from you on how to handle love," he cocks a brow at his older brother, knowing the debacle between him, Kate, and Edwina.

Anthony's jaw clenches and he doesn't say another word, which leaves Benedict to chuckle. He pats his brother on the shoulder, "I'll tell her...eventually. Things are going to be chaotic for her already. I don't want to cause her any more stress. It'll be bad for her and the baby."

Anthony hums and walks away from Benedict, deciding to stand beside Colin, whom is sitting on chaise lounge chair.

__________________________

1 Month Later

You managed to have wedding dress made fairly quickly. Well, Lady Danbury definitely put in a good word for you that helped speed up the process. Your wedding, albeit not ideal, was still perfect. Although your words of love to Benedict during the ceremony were....not completely true, you still found yourself tearing up when Benedict repeated his vows to you. You thought marrying your closest friend would be weird, but throughout the duration of the month leading up to the wedding, it became less of that and more comforting.

Time and time again did Benedict reassure he wasn't going to leave you behind for the wolves, that he'd be there for you and for the baby. That you'd be well taken care of.

Post-wedding, the dinner was a bit overwhelming. So many people were congratulating you, echoing the same words everyone else had "We all knew this would happen eventually". But what exactly did that mean? Sure, a few years ago, you harbored feelings for Benedict, but did everyone see it? Benedict couldn't have seen it too, right?

"Y/N?" he squeezes your hand and you didn't even realize he was holding it.

You look up from your plate, "Hm? Sorry."

"Are you alright?"

"I-I think I'd like some air," you whisper back to him.

"Would you like me to come with you?"

You're hesitant to say yes, but your head moves before your mouth does. You're nodding and Benedict is immediately on his feet and excuses the both of you. Everyone watches the two of you exit the dining room, the chatter continues as you leave.

Benedict silently follows you to the tree that has the swings you two used to play on when you were young. once sat on one of the swings, your hand immediately going to your belly. You've been doing that a lot in these past weeks, just not in front of others beside Anthony and Benedict.

"Is something wrong?" he nods to your hand on your belly.

You shake your head, "Not with the baby, no. But I just-" you let out another deep breath, "This is all so much. I-I-" your eyes are tearing up, "I don't like that I've brought you into my mess."

Benedict kneels before you and grabs your hands into his, "Y/N, listen to me, you did not force me to do this. I offered to marry you because I care about you and I'd hate for anything bad to happen to you. You are my dearest friend. I won't let anything bad happen to you. Ever. Do you understand me?" thumbs away your tears as you nod, "Good." He stands up and kisses your head, "Do you want to go back?"

"Can we stay here for a little longer?"

"Whatever my wife wants."

"I have to get used to hearing that," you mumble as you start to slowly move yourself back and forth on the swing.

Benedict watches you with soft eyes, eventually moving himself on the swing.

[queenoftheantz]

Top 5 Anime/Manga characters of all time and why?

oh wow hmmm....

Completely subjectively:

Oikawa Tooru (haikyuu!!)

Oikawa... he is just yknow. My Character. But I also often in my daily life have a little Oikawa in my head reminding me that my passion is my passion because it's fun and I love it. That talent and skill are intertwined but also not static or pre-determined, that I might not be as good as I think I should be, and I might never be, but if I don't try I definitely won't. Maybe I will reach my goal today, or tomorrow, or in 30 years. And I can do it at the pace and path that suits me. He speaks of all this AS WELL as the very bitter feelings that preceeds these revelations. I also really love his focus on facilitating others, of reaching potential together, of trust and faith in his team and their in him!

2. Marcille Donato (Dungeon Meshi)

Oh Marcille. (Manga spoilers here) Marcille started out so silly and to be honest? Annoying? Girly and anxious and squemish. But then you realise that these parts are absolutely true, but she is also determined and loyal and scared and unafraid and skilled. The firly and squemish becomes charming in contrast to her being excited to experience death and morally ambigious enough to use ancient magic or become a dungeon lord. And then you learn even more about her and her family, the way she grew up and how she probably is... pretty young, considering everything. The knowledge and life experience of someone being 40 maybe, but with the brain to handle it of a 19 year old... she is so afraid for everyone to die away and yet she cant help but love people! Isn't that lovely!? And as someone very afraid to lose my parents I really really feel for her relationship with her father. I think Marcille was a character who really illustrates the progression of tone in Dungeon meshi, represents the themes of the story so well, and really grew on me. Also gay. hi.

3. Shinji Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

I know people don't like this guy but he shaped me so much as a teen. I think his journey through lacking self-esteem and depression and self hatred is both fascinating, nuanced and in the end, encouraging! Imagine being offered to join humanity all as one, never feel rejected or alone again and then DESPITE all he has gone through, chosing to be yourself after all! And frankly I love that the show lets him be cowardly and weak and unsympathetic, it makes him more real and make his strong moments stronger. Also gay. hi

4. Mob (Mob psycho 100)

Mobs story is more low key, but I also enjoy a story about a young boy who FIRST has to find the motivation to improve himself, and THEN has to realise that improving yourself and being a good person does not necessarily mean to surpress any negative or strong emotions. Once again, a story about acceoting yourself, even the sides you have a hard time controlling and find off-putting or scary. And I think Mob gets to realise this in a silly and gently way!

5. Abe takaya (ookiku furikabutte)

Oh Abe. It's that one page. When he is explaining to Sakeaguchi his backstory with Haruna, and he is talking about it so casually, it's no big deal, but you can tell. "Everyone is afraid of pain". It makes my heart clench every time. It's his control-issues, his fast felling into caring about Mihashi as a person, but then slowly realising what that actually means. It's him being shocked by the smile, it's him doing anything to win, it's him not realising how mean he is. In a different story Abe would have been a bully. But fortunately for him Momoe and the team and Mihashi himself are not putting up with any of it and he slowly and also gently improves himself. I gotta catch up with oofuri. (also gay. hi)

Shout outs to: Hinata Shoyo (of course), Mihashi Ren (also of course), Edward Elric, Sophie (Howls moving castle movie), Reigen (im not immune), Tamaki (ohshc, sometimes i just think about him and hes so charming and fun and i relate), Kanamori (Keep your hands off Eizouken!, shes just. so cool. It's a fun show but every time shes on screen im blushing a bit shes just! Wow!), and the straight college student from one of my fave BL's who has to go on a personal journey to accept that he actually likes a man who's bigger and taller than him and has a big ass. Shoutouts to him too.

[swmmi-kti]

Regrettably

Pairing: Kyojuro x GN Reader.

Warnings: Angst, This all is in Shinjuro's perspective.

Shinjuro had experienced pain when Ruka died. He often found himself praying that he would never feel that pain again. And as cowardly as he became he could often find himself praying that his kids would be okay. 

He would never admit it but when you Married Kyojuro he couldn’t help but feel happy for his eldest son. He watched in the sidelines as you two would take care of the house. How you were the opposite of his son. Reserved, quiet and yet the perfect partner to Kyojuro. 

In a way you did remind him of Ruka. He guessed that's why he wasn’t as harsh as he could have been with his sons. 

Nevertheless he cared deeply about his family, and that included you. Regrettably he never got to show it. 

He listened to Senjuro and yourself bidding Kyojuro goodbye. Wishing him well and blessing him for his mission. Listening to you asking Senjuro to go ahead and do as he wished that you’d take care of the house chores for today. 

He listened to the elated laughter of his youngest son, Thanking you profusely as he ran off to his room no doubt. He knew in his spare time that he rarely had Senjuro loved to paint. 

He knew how happy he always was when he was done with one painting. Stashing it away somewhere only he would know. He could hear how he took out the painting no doubt he had been working on for over a few months. Wondering to himself what it was. 

Oftentimes he would beat himself over the fact that he should get out of this room and train the boy. But he never could. Biting back the emptiness of his heart. 

Aside from sitting in his room drinking away the dull pain that he had grown to live with, he got to hear everything that went on in the house and out. Hearing you come in getting ready to prepare food for the two other Rengoku’s in the house and yourself

This was routine now ever since you married into the family. Sometimes you would allow Senjuro to help and others you sent him off to be a kid. And really he would have liked to thank you for it. 

And nights where Kyojuro was here and you two would be awake into the ungodly times at night on days where he didn't need to patrol. He would hear how you often prayed over him. 

How you no doubt would grow so worried about him. How thankful you were that he had returned to you safe although injured. And he would hear how his son would reply to you in kind. Asking you to not worry about him to please just take care of Senjuro in the moment where he needed comfort the most. 

How cowardly he was to not be able to provide that. He wanted to. In a way he wanted too. But the bitterness that came with losing a loved one. The anger that came with not being able to do anything against something so natural like a sickness. It ate away at his reasoning. 

Unknownst to anyone If a demon ever decided to show their face here while Kyojuro wasn’t here he knew he would do anything in his power to provide the little bit of happiness that those two had. And it was to protect you. 

If for anything to keep them happy when he could do nothing. 

“Otousan” You greeted and he did not turn to look at you. He knew this routine too well. You would give the same talk of preparing his meal and ask about his day only for him not to respond before you left his plate and sake and left to tend to Senjuro. 

“I’ve made your meal. Please enjoy and eat while its still hot” He didn’t need to look at you to know you bowed at him waiting for his response that he would never give. “I do hope your day has been good Otousan! I Finished all the house chores today” 

You continued to talk as he sat up now. Still looking out into the yard. What a beautiful day and what a sour cold feeling he always got from it. 

“Kyojuro should return within a few days! But im sure you heard him! I’ll go now i leave you your sake as always” You spoke, leaving the plate and his sake close to him before you left. 

If Kyojuro were any more of a man he would have bore him his first grandchild. Oftentimes he would think about what that would entail. How would he change? Would he change at all? 

Truth be told he found it astounding that he had married at all. He knew how his son often rejected many, many proposals. So he never thought they would see the day he married. He would have liked for Ruka to have been there for it. But he has learned not everything goes as you wish. 

This was the routine for those days. You would either work on chores yourself or you would have Senjuro help. Today he has spoken to you. Now he did speak to you but only ever asking the simplest of things or yelling at you for doing something wrong. However in some way you had mellowed him out.

Perhaps out of respect? He couldn’t quite know. He just knew he didn’t want you to hate him. To possibly drive his family away. He knew he shouldn’t doubt your place here, You treated him with respect and well he didn’t berate you. 

He would have liked to ask about any news you may know about Kyojuro but he was too prideful. Now he found himself regretting a lot of things. And when Kyojuro’s crow came bearing the bad news he would know what his biggest regret was. 

You had been outside. Today, Senjuro help with the laundry while you took care of tidying up. He had gotten up from his stoop and went to check on how things were going. He noticed how you looked at the Crow on the floor. How your sweeping has stopped as You listened to the news that would either break you or him. 

But he didn’t need to be close to know what news would be spoken. He wasn’t stupid. He saw how you let go of the broom. Your hand over your mouth as you let yourself drop to the floor. 

He was heart broken. But he would never be able to admit that to himself. Seeing you on the floor. Crying but pulling yourself together. It broke his heart. Is this the pain he often put Ruka through? Did she cry like this when he left for his long missions? 

How cruel of a life that was. To love someone unconditionally that you would never wish to harm them unknowingly putting them through torture as you made them worry if you would live to see your young children another day. 

But he knew Ruka and yourself have agreed to this. But its cruel to have this fate. Having just been married, having just found happiness, only for it to be ripped away from you so quickly . 

He did the only thing that would help his aching heart. He locked himself away and drank. 

He didn’t want to hear Senjuro’s sobs. Didn’t want to hear you comfort Senjuro to be strong. He didn’t want to see how you had to pull yourself together for the sake of Senjuro. Whipping away at his tears no doubt. 

He just sat there stone cold as he looked out into the sky. 

How weak. 

The knock was expected as was you coming in to share the news. He spoke as he had for the past years. Berating him how weak he was, how much of a disappointment it was to the Rengoku name. 

How he was weak. 

And you just bit back your tongue. He knew why. He knew that pain of losing a loved one. Losing your twin flame. But he was not good at comfort. So what was to be expected of him? He was not good at this. 

So within those few hours to days to a weeks the new routine began. You would wake early. Prepare food for the boys and yourself clean the house spotless but never dare touch Kyojuro’s stuff. You would not show yourself in the room with him any more. You would prepare his food but let Senjuro deliver it to him. 

The quietness was new but it wasn’t something he didn't welcome coldly. 

That is until Tanjiro came by. Delivering the last message his eldest gave to all. He didn’t wish to listen to what he said to you two. It wasn’t his place to know. However when Senjuro came to him about his last message he expected to get some remarks about his attitude about his behavior and when none of it came and Senjuro left 

He allowed himself to cry. 

How cruel it was to watch such a young love bloom and to watch it be ripped away so quickly. How evil can the world be to not allow you two the happiness he wished he had with his late wife. 

He wept until he couldn’t crying for his son and what love was lost. But as quickly as it happened he let himself be a man for once. No longer would he allow you to be strong. It would be his turn to be a man. To pick up what little is left of his family. 

After writing to Tanjiro to apologize for how he treated him. He left his room to prepare food for you two. Senjuro often cleaned the house spot clean while you stayed in your room. No doubt crying and handling yourself how you could away from the prying eyes of the house. 

He would be what he could be to the remaining family. Regrettably it was the family Kyojuro would not have. His only wish is that you’d be stronger than he ever could be and that if the world was kinder. Than you and Kyojuro could find your happiness in a not so distant future.

[jackwhiteprophetic]

My conty (will be adopting that into everyday vocab, thank you) opinion is that i think Christopher was right to want to leave and im tired of pretending i dont!

(I am, however, too cowardly to not ask this anonymously)

Hmmmm thank you for the conty ask!!! I NEED it to catch on.

I would say I think Christopher wanting space is valid and his emotions and response was valid, but also I think his grandparents weren't acting in the right??? Like they were actively bashing Shannon immediately upon arrival and the way they treated Eddie (like not saying goodbye to him and such) is really not giving me hope for how helpful they will be with helping Chris to process and heal?

Idk when I think about it, Texas is FAR FAR (like for me, moving that distance would require moving countries). I just think it wasn't handled well by the Diaz parents and idk it makes me sad but I am also biased!!

I stopped going to my dad's and seeing other members of family at the same age as Christopher so I completely understand needing that space and it breaks my heart SO much but I don't think they showed enough of Chris in the episode to make it actually feel like a decision centred on what he wanted?

Also as someone who has had to cut off family seeing Eddie Diaz and the whole "I hate it, but I love you" speech STILL TO THIS DAY makes me cry if I think about it more than five seconds.

IDK IF ANY OF THIS MAKES SENSE? would love to know more people's thoughts!!!

[also continue to send conty asks and to use the word conty because it WILL catch on and also my brain is actually working today]

[chichimarshmallow]

schmoochle headcanons !!

urgh im bored and i need to rant about my skrunklies so today i bring you some schmoochle headcanons,,,

rare schmoochle

youngest of the schmoochle family, at least 13-17 and have a height of at least 7-8 feet

mohawk man acts slightly more mature and tough than horned douche, horned douche is very silly and goofy and is just a very likable and pure boi in general but can get very serious rlly fast when arguing with their partner

one of them has a southern accent change my mind

and on the topic of voices they are very likely to sound like those young boys in anime who are voiced by females but with a slightly deeper tone especially mohawk man horned douche would probably sound more like namine ritsu lmfao

both are fluent in korean !!

mohawk is fruity asf and a lil more ahem seductive with their actions for example eating elongated foods like bananas and popsicles and long cream-filled pastries when they feel like it and it kinda makes horned douche cringe a bit but at the same time they don't rlly mind

mohawk man is also kinda a tsundere !!

they know how to play the electric guitar, very skilled at it also they're yearning to be rockstars <;33 i mean cmon with a design like that u can not tell me it wouldn't be true bet me 200$ that they literally shred the electric guitar strings like their lives depend on it

again, with a design like that you can NOT tell me they don't wear chains and leather stuff and spiky bracelets and pentagram necklaces and other gothic/emo stuff if u tell me otherwise u lyin' also you'll prolly catch them at hot topic 25/8 no delays

to add to the electric guitar stuff they LOVE rock music and heavy metal it's their FAV music of all time

mohawk man likes rocky road ice cream, horned douche likes mint choco chip (my fav flavour btw) and mohawk man kinda despises them for it smh-

they're into horror games and horror movies, horned douche is a lil cowardly tho unlike their partner who kinda likes getting jumpscared and seeing their lover being a scaredy cat

to add to they're likes for horror they're also into the paranormal, they like spooki stuff like demons, witches, ghosts, vampires and stuff like those and will read about them

common schmoochle

oh now where do i even start with these two,,,

erm they are very floofy and perfect for hugging,,

horned dude is a chill and outgoing gentleman to be around and is a talker, and ponytail gal is kinda shy and not as talkative as their partner but is very sweet you might get diabetes, also they're kinda sensitive and horned guy's a bit protective for that specific reason

they're like the middle family members, young adults at 18-19 and can be about 8-9 feet tall perfect size to be given a big ol' bear hug by them hehe,,,

fluent in japanese !!

sometimes they'll go to watch the beautiful scenery of the sunset/sunrise while sitting on top of a hill or sumthn

ponytail gal loves wearing bows and jewelry hence why my design for them has their ponytail tied up with a red bow and they have a pink heart ring on their finger, their partner is likely to kinda spoil them with exactly those things, if it's pretty enough to look good on them then they'll get it

ponytail gal is also one of those kinda ppl that are easily distracted by cute and fluffy things, if they see anything that they claim to be cute they will STARE RESPECTFULLY and will even try to touch it; for example if they see cat *ahem* cataliszt- then they'll react just as how i described it

boba dates every now and then !! horned guy doesn't like boba that much but will surely get some for their partner who is a boba lover, may also go for sweet treats as an extra deal for their little dates,,

i'll have you bet me 50$ that horned guy is both a flirt and a tease and will use those traits on their partner just to see them flustered just because they want to and they think it's cute.

ponytail gal likes peaches, not too fond of the tart/sour tasting ones tho they prefer the sweeter ones. they also like strawberries but again will dismiss the sour tasting ones for the sweeter tasting ones

ponytail is also slightly touch-starved,, may require hand holding and headpats and snuggling from their partner every now and then which their partner rlly doesn't mind at all,,

try and tell me they don't like playing dating games i'll instantly disagree with u

as for their voices they will sound like uzi and n i can hear it everytime i look at them if you try and tell me otherwise then get out rn >:((

epic schmoochle

i mean ofc epic schmoochle resembles elderly love so ofc they're gonna be the oldest of the schmoochle family and i'm talking mature adults so they're 20+ years old and ofc i can guarantee they're the tallest out of everyone so they'll be about uhhh 9+ feet tall

in personality they are motherly and fatherly with their younger common and rare cousins so basically they're also the parental figures, they're also the same in personality when it comes to being aorund other monsters

married couple, that's all i gotta say !!

fluent in chinese !!

will sometimes go stargazing for their dates, they like watching the night sky and looking at silly constellations while having a nice chat

since they're made of chocolate and candy their hardness depends on temperature, if it's hot they're gonna start melting which could cause problems for them, if it's cold then they're good

having to put up with the other schmoochles' shenanigans especially rare schmoochle those kids be doing the most lmfao is kinda a tough job for them but they are able to make it work

speaking of that whenever the schmoochles watch a movie and an inappropriate scene comes up epic schmoochle are always the ones to shield their cousins eyes so they don't have to see it lmfao

art is a hobby they enjoy the most, they're good at it too

they flirt with each other 24/7 and if other monsters don't like it then they can leave <3

pigtails has a sweet high pitched motherly voice with a southern accent and grandpa (sorry lmfao i had to i mean cmon LOOK AT THAT HAIRSTYLE) has a deep voice and a british accent

that's all i got for now and my boredom is officially gone now so waheyyy,,, 🎉🎉🎉

[rigginsstreet]

I think sometimes about the anons i got in the wake of the season 4 backlash thanking me for understanding billys trauma response or just thanking me for speaking up against the vitriol being spewed at the time because they themselves were victims and were really disheartened by the language they were seeing and were too afraid to speak up themselves or whatever the case was and I just … I did not take that lightly.

I cannot stand a bully and my loud ass mouth tends to get me in trouble but at least I can use it to spread some good in the world because the way people today are so bold just blatantly harassing people over the dumbest shit to feed some superiority complex does not sit right with me and it just is not in my nature to bite my tongue when someone’s being an asshole. I can’t do it.

Idk what the point of this post was im just so sick of the toxicity in this fandom for literally no good reason ESPECIALLY when there’s so much horrid shit going on in the real world. People have enough to deal with in their daily lives without worrying about getting told to kill themselves online for a stupid fucking piece of media that is badly written

For a website that claims to hate bullying and claims to care about mental health yall sure do take the time to make sure you can be as vile as humanly possible behind the safety of a keyboard and some anonymity. It’s cowardly. Anyone with a single brain cell can see through you. And to the people who feel targeted by these people I just know there are actual decent human beings in this world who actually give a shit

[czolgosz]

HI TED 👋!! blinks can you tell me about what jeans quirks / how high they are mean to you / his character..... im soooo curious now :)

Hello Penrose😁😁 ok sure.

i am she/hering that individual consistently because i feel like it today🤔:

DARING 10: that individual does not usually think about consequences but this seems rather higher than it should be honestly? beside this, she is a lot less of a coward than she used to be so it applies there

FORCEFUL 10: she sees violence as the most quick & effective means to an end + she kind of just enjoys the thrill of it all. also she has anger issues but the management of them has improved! eg. she doesn't send bomb threats to newspaper editors anymore. Character development &c.

HEARTLESS 10: like the rest of her siblings she has severe solipsism issues🤷 this is unlikely to ever go away it's a pretty deep-seated thing and she has no interest in changing this quality of herself. occasionally acts not so bad for appearances but only in situations when that is very necessary

HEDONIST 10: she's literally just hanging out what can i say! (but something to note is that she doesn't smoke [it makes her cough a lot which is embarrassing to her...] and thinks honey tastes kind of nasty [but is willing to cope with this on occasion])

RUTHLESS 10: see heartless basically BUT ALSO☝️ this quality is somewhat dampened by her more emotional tendencies. if that statement even makes sense. she could be worse but eg. pride gets in the way sometimes!

SUBTLE 5: wait how did it get even this high... anyway she kind of views subtlety as cowardly & silly & loserish to be honest. also if you're subtle then you won't get as much attention for things🤔 so why would you do that.

MELANCHOLY 4: i think this would be higher if not for all the self-distraction. as time goes on she has started to both miss and absolutely not miss the surface more and more and both of these feelings are sources of some misery.... also there are the psychological issues

STEADFAST 4: this is something that is just kind of there like she's not particularly loyal but she doesn't make a habit of betrayal or anything🤷.

MAGNANIMOUS 1: as established she is not particularly nice 😭 she's willing to help out acquaintances though! as long as it's not too big of an inconvenience, of course

AUSTERE 0: again, she is literally just hanging out... why would she ever "resist the lures and temptations of earthly pleasures" like she generally had to back on the surface 😑...

ok that is, i think, all. thanks for the question yayy

[scaralvr]

hihihi myst !!! its raining rn :( i feel even colder now,, anyways i've always had this idea that never left me. so, modern au (college in the first two paragraphs) w/ scara right?

basically scaramouche and his mother ei run a flower shop together. you often visit their flower shop since it's the only (great) one in town. routinely, each few days you'd come in. pick up a few things and leave is all you do - and he feels terribly love sick. he sees you everyday, on the weekdays and weekends. why is it that you, someone he bareky knows manages to speak a proper conversation with, get him so weak?

tch, how cowardly.

is what scaramouche thinks. stupid is a thought where he feeds into his emotions, is in not? but today, he stares at the entrance. he feels impatient; he'd been zoning out ever since you came in that day. did you go out already without saying goodbye to him? have you left him alone in this lonesome store of flowers? do you not want to see him, a humiliating sight?

hey. you alright, love?

your lover has awaken - what has made him chant your name so many times in his sleep?

lol it ends there because it is very old and i am still on a writers block so i did not finsish it. maybe I'll fix it soon idk. lowkey wanna see florist scara be written well tho, since what's here is how much he likes u lol (ps third "paragraph" is in current time, the first and second are both the past +second paragraphis in scaras pov. i think this was wrote from like july-september, when i was "in love" 💀) also, im just dumping old works for u to see since the peak of my writing might just be that scara prompt i wrote that i mentioned last time 🤕🤕🤕 -still with you anon

AWW WAIT THIS CONCEPT IS SO CUTE!!1!11 headcanon that scara is so good at tending to plants🤭🤭 AND THE DREAMMMM OMG THE DREAMM this is so adorable i love this

[dufferpuffer]

Thank you for the Snack reply

I liked your thoughts on all of it but especially the teen snack with Slytherin Sirius is something that really intrigued me.

I never read a fic where Slytherin Sirius is friends with Snape. Most times he is a loner and only regulus keeps him company, though I don't think this guy has in him to just be on his own. He is a dog so obviously he is gonna make friends....

And I mean he would maybe not run away if snape and him become friends because with James his views are skewed when it comes to dark magic. So maybe he can find a neutral ground with his family.

Thanks again....

Also wanted to mention how gr8 it is that you like canon lupin character without mollycoddling him. Salute to you for that. Because I myself fall in the category that I like to stay away from any fics where he is shown as a major character, irrespective if it is his canonic version or fanon version.

I am just totally irked with all the subtle ways he is being uplifted rather than keeping him an average character he is.

I mean lupin in hp world is a mirror image of average real human. We are mostly average in look, personality, income, luck etc. We are not prone to becoming vilian like Peter on the drop of hat, we are nit super loyal like Sirius, we are not extremely charismatic like James. Major people are average.

But fanon has made be totally turned off by this character.

Also I don't like him because I think I myself won't want to be in company of someone who is a pro gaslighter and manipulator. In these two situation he strays away from average human because general people are not so scared that they will do anything to protect themselves from smallest inconvenience.

Anyways, apologies that I went into my super unimportant rant.

This is not me bashing him.... This is me telling my reasons for disliking him and appreciating your ability to announce that yes you like him but you like him with flaws and all and not not the whitewashed version of him....

So kudos for being canon remus fanon....

You don't gotta like Remus, im not trying to change your mind or something I'm just gonna use this ask to blab about something I love about him B^) No need for apologies. I appreciate it and liked reading it :) I also don't like most fanon Remus'. He is either a soft little angel who is always nice and sweet - or he is... a tough, grumpy badass??? huh?? You are right in that he is more of a reflection of an 'average person', rather than having a more extreme personality trait. He is a normal guy... dealing with a chronic illness. A disability. A really fucking brutal one. + It is incurable + Children learn how to identify people with this disability - and how to kill them. + It's expensive (and near impossible) to treat - and the treatment mainly just makes it safer for other people rather than helping HIM not suffer. It sedates him - it doesn't help him feel better. + It is debilitating beyond the Full Moon. Days before the full moon he gets pale, sweaty, irritable... days after the full moon he is exhausted, torn up, healing... The rest of the month he has to deal with poverty and a lack of good meals or shelter. Even if he was allowed to have most jobs like normal Wizards, even if that were legal - he is sick. He struggles to do the work. Being trapped by that sickness, having to struggle, having the threat of everything being taken from you by other people who don't get it... The reality of managing your own body along with surviving homelessness and an utter lack of sympathy or support...

...It has made him not a very nice person sometimes. It has made him defensive, selfish, cowardly, paranoid, desperate, untrusting... And I love that. So, SO much. I LOVE HIM (Disability drabble below, sorta poorly thought out, I'm tired today)

It is rare to see characters with invisible disabilities, like severe mental illness - or fatigue and chronic pain. ...and every month loses his mind to 'the delusion of being a wolf.' Most stories cut off a characters limb and that's it. They get a 'better than flesh' replacement. Their disability becomes their best, strongest, coolest aspect. Why doesn't everyone cut their arm off...? But disabilities aren't cool. Us disabled people don't want to see someone like us that's 'all fixed' physically and mentally.

We want to see how being disabled has changed them. The struggles they go through to manage it. How they have learned to cope - and maybe even thrive.

On the flip side - characters with scars, disfigurements or disabilities are often villains. 'Ugly is evil', or 'I am different so now I am bad' Disabled characters aren't often allowed to just... have problems.

Either their disability isn't disabling or it defines their evil.

There are lots of mentally, invisibly or physically disabled people in Harry Potter - and the way they are portrayed is so... gritty and cool. One day I'll blab about how the series treats disability... One day.

I appreciate that Remus can be disabled and also flawed, toxic, struggling, misunderstood by everyone... but be good, too. He tries, so hard, and struggles to find people who can understand. It's a complex mix of his own problems and societies problems.

We see him tell children who love him that he is sick - and they have a flash of disgust, of mistrust, of cruelty. But he understands. Hes seen it so many times before. He is strong. He is forgiving. It has never killed his compassionate heart - nor his drive to nurture, to be helpful. But it HAS still hurt him. Broken him. It isn't 'okay'.

Remus is a lovely, soft man trapped within complex layers of different types of suffering - some of which he's done to himself, some were inflicted upon him... and some of which are unfixable. His story isn't one about getting better or being cured - it's about learning healthier ways to cope. Getting support. Unpicking the unhealthy coping strategies he has weaved for himself. That is interesting, deep, complex - and cathartic, as someone who has chronic health issues, too. My body attacks itself, too. The coping strategies I have learned aren't the same as Remus', but many of them aren't healthy. We are different... but it feels nice to see a character who goes through similar things - and not perfectly. Remus isn't trying to offer me answers to my problems, like 'just try harder' or 'get help'. Remus understands those things don't work. I just can't relate to able-bodied characters as much.

[manie-sans-delire-x]

Lol you’re actually not hot. Or loved.

Lol look anon, I dont know what your problem with me is, but lets address this on-going issue. I literally dont even know who you are, and your one-sided obsession with putting me down in any way you can is getting pretty old and by this point, its past pathetic. Youre getting desperate, grasping at every single thing you could say "nuh uh actually youre dumb/ugly/etc" to me about. Its not the first time someone has become obsessed with me. But yeah I dont think about you at all, and you clearly think about me quite a lot. You are so filled with hate and bitterness that Im genuinely starting to feel a bit sorry for you, because happy, healthy people dont feel the need to do this.

You are too cowardly to even come off anon. How do you feel after sending these messages? Proud of yourself? Ive worked with kids who curse you out everyday and physically attack you, so you think you accomplished something with doing that? Your attempts at making me sad is a gnats bite, sorry. Youll have to do a lot worse than some meany words.

(Ok wait something Ive genuinely been curious about- You know those typical 10 IQ bully tropes in movies? What do people like you think when you watch those scenes? Do you agree with the bully? Do you even realize youre the same? Do you realize everyone else who watches hates the bully and thinks they have low intelligence and are pathetic and weak? Like no seriously Im actually asking, I wanna know how self-aware people like you are. Because seriously, look at what you just send me. Its like a lazy, unoriginal writer writing a schoolyard bullys dialogue. "Youre actually not hot. Or loved." Heheheeee!) (Unless you are actually are a middle or high schooler, which, if thats the case, makes a lot of sense. If thats the case please let me know, as I would talk to a kid differently to how I would speak to an adult. Otherwise I will continue to assume you are an adult.)

You clearly are projecting some kind of personal issue onto me, I think you may be perceiving me to be someone that I am not, or think something that I do not, and with all sincerity, I suggest you look internally to resolve your clear unhappiness and lack of self-confidence. Being a bully never looks good on anyone, and it wont make you any happier or get you what you want. In fact it will only lower your self-esteem, because no matter what you portray outside, you see yourself doing this, so inside you will always know that you are a pathetic, jealous loser who bullies strangers behind the shield of anon on tumblr.com lmao. Using your one life well I see.

Is this some misguided attempt at asking for help? You must want something from me, to keep coming to bother me. Im always willing to counsel, even for you, even though youve been nothing but vile to me for no reason. If you want to talk about something thats going on, you can dm me. Im willing to start over. If youre polite, Ill be polite. Its that simple.

Otherwise maybe do something that you can feel proud of, that makes you feel good when you go to sleep tonight. Create art, show kindness to others, meditate, do something for your future. Read a book. Go help your mother.

If you choose to continue this bad behavior and send more hate messages, I will not be responding and they will simply be deleted.

Try to have a good day today, yeah? Im going to go make a blackberry and vanilla milkshake, would you like one?

[daedalusdavinci]

jason tell me about dove for that ask meme. because i lvoe him too. i miss him :(

well. i asked for this.

hi guys welcome to my batman blog where today im going to be talking about niche silver age dc character that absolutely no one gives a shit about but me: don hall! i read all of his comics in the span of like two days and i havent stopped crying about him since

send me a character and ill tell you...

- What made me like them in the first place

pictured: the precise moment i fell head over heels in love w don. he is just so..... yknow??? hes just such a kind fucking person and i love him so much

- Who I ship them with

no one </3 he literally doesnt talk to anyone long enough. if i shipped him w anyone it would probably be lilith tho they were kind of cute in that single fucking panel lol

- Random headcanon I have about them

he taught an art class he MUST paint i refuse to believe anything else hes definitely an art boy <3

- My favorite moment of theirs

see the above panel but also when he fuckin.g embarrassed himself in front of the girl he lieks and teargassed a bunch of cops and then tripped chasing after a criminal and got called a crybaby and then the comic just ENDED LIKE THAT. dons horrible no good very bad day alkjsndfssdf hes such a loser i love him so much

- Plotline/story I want to happen

if dc hadnt been a bunch of cowardly losers they could have leaned more into dons investigative tendencies and the way he talks to victims about what happened which would have been rad as fuck, just btw. also i wish there had been MORE comics w don and hank working w the teen titans. yes we had a few but what about more. i want don to have friends. fuck you dc

- Any issues or insecurities I think they have

that boy should be more insecure than he is bc wow. he is jsut the biggest loser. i think hes obviously insecure about a lot of things bc hank only picks on him all the time (and he picks back! iconic.)

- Favorite quote

see the above panel (again), but also i think its really funny when he snips at hank, and you KNOW i love all his panels where he defends his pacifism. hes so iconic

- Kiss, marry, hug, or kill

i am kissing him right on the mouth hes so <33333

- Random thing that reminds me of them

just really predictable shit. but yknow i promise you every time i think about the teen titans my brain is always gonna jump straight to him, and thats probably not the case for most people

- Any talents I think they might have

well he knew enough about art to teach a class and apparently hes a pretty good swimmer. i feel like hed probably be good at other things hank would think r super lame, like sewing

- On a rate from 1 to 10 how much I love them

10/10 hes so <33333

- What I think about their family

hank can go fuck himself <3 their dad makes for an interesting contrast to the two of them but i wish both of their parents had gotten the chance to be expanded on more. tragedy of all times

- Who I think should be their bff

i really would have liked to see don and hank become better friends w the other titans who were sidelined, like lilith, and mel. id kill for that actually.

- What animal they would be

.............................i dont need to answer this question

- Three songs that remind me of them

no <3

- Favorite episode/issue/thing centered around them

definitely the cringefail comic where he just fucked up absolutely everything but im also really fond of the hawk and the dove #2

- How badly they need hugs

so badly.

- Favorite thing about their personality

i love that hes every bit as headstrong and snippy as hank is, even tho hes a pacifist. like, yeah, he doesnt believe in violence, but he still gets pissed as hell all the time, and thats so fucking real tbh. ik part of the juxtaposition is bc dc wanted him to seem wimpy and cowardly but it is really fun to see him get humiliated and then STILL whip around and call hank a neanderthal like alsjdlfsndsdfnjsf

- Favorite thing about their appearance

sobbing. crying. hes so cute i love when they give him curls

the dove costume is BUTT UGLY but i do like the color scheme

- Why I love them so much

he had so much potential. it wouldve been so fascinating to see how dc handled a superhero who was a pacifist and believed strongly in criminal reform and peace. dc tried so hard to make him seem weak and unmanly that they would up creating a guy who didnt fit into the usual hypermasculine superhero archetype and that was just. fascinating, honestly. refreshing. i also just loooove a good angry leftist so you know me. hes just. SUCH a cringefail losergirl its impossible not to fall madly in love w him im going to be mourning what could have been for the rest of my fucking life

[wonusite]

omg haha i didnt expect much with my e2l cheol thoughts but im glad you liked them! idk if i have enough good ideas to be a permanent nonny but i'll always sign off with a e2l cheol nonny when i do send in something.

On todays episode of e2l cheol thots i can imagine the first breaking point for cheol is when hes praising you and he realizes just how vulnerable and sweet you get when you're together. something in him just snaps and he suddenly wishes that he can have the same you outside of the bedroom and in regular life too. from that day on he starts being nicer to you: it starts out small like making coffee for you to take when you leave his house and eventually progresses to driving you to work, saying that its because you can't walk properly after last night. Cheol's still too cowardly to full on admit his feelings, but with the way he follows your every action like a dog and looks at you with stars in his eyes, he's really not fooling anyone anymore.

-e2l cheol nonny

um hello i love your ideas so much and you’re my official nonny from this moment idcidcidc

AND STOP I’M GOING TO SKSNJSHEHWJK

bc he would just be so clingy. insisting on doing all these things w you or hanging out at your place under the pretense of fucking but doesn’t leave afterwards like normal. and u don’t say anything bc you like his company and you guys just kind of fall into this routine without realizing you’re not really enemies anymore 😫😫😫

[floss-and-tea]

why did i ever stop.

i would be at my goal weight by now but no. instead i’m 110 pounds and probably climbing, too cowardly to flop onto my scale to measure how blubbery i’ve really gotten but so fearful of not knowing.

did i recover or was it a year long binge.

when is the last time i starved? really starved?

i’ve been feeling like a black whole as of late. I feel like i consume and consume and consume and if i keep letting myself go i’ll become obese and unhealthy and unable to move. i don’t want that. i want to be slim and healthy and doing everything i can. i want to control my life and i can’t do that if im stuck being controlled by food.

was it october? no, earlier. The october of the year past?

Halloween always gets me. “I’ll recover! i can have as much candy as i want and that will make me recover!” oh please.

all that does is make your body (my body) confused and even more unhealthy.

if i’d kept going maybe i’d be in a hospital, but at least then there’d be people to care about me.

90 pounds.

i was 90 pounds.

what a beautiful number. I want to enter the double digits, feel the joy like a child turning 10. Double digits.

if i could go down back to 90 pounds i’d be underweight. That’s not healthy, but it’s beautiful. i want to be beautiful. Which do i care about more?

i wish my sense of beauty fell within what is healthy. maybe it does. whose to say. People live long lives under and overweight. people live short lives at healthy weights. whose to say which is better.

i may as well be beautiful for the few years i have left as a teenager.

i may as well live worry-less for the few years i have left as a teenager.

i need to sleep. sleep is healthy. lack of sleep is unhealthy. too much sleep is unhealthy. sleep the perfect amount. i have to sleep, beauty sleep, beautiful sleep for beautiful weep

ing.

crying crying what is wrong? oh nothing, though i cry.

my classes are similar to how they were when i started this. maybe it’s a sign. go back, go back. or maybe it’s “look how far you’ve come!”

who knows. whose to say.

new snow, shoes today.